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Re:Retro

The Strange Case Of Mr. F, Part Two: The Horror At 17 Stabbington Close

by alewing on April 15th, 2007

In which Tom Baker, broadcasting through the power of the imagination, reads the next chapter in the hideous saga of Mr. F, who turned his home into a charnel house in pursuit of wealth and power.

But first, here’s something from ‘AngelLover89′ - another instructional video on how the Sims is, and always has been played, this time starring David Boreanaz, who is evidently depressed for some reason.

Now that that’s over with, we continue with the Strange Case Of Mr. F.

Mr F was an unhappy man, as you may recall, his spirit broken on the rack of his daily life in the medical profession - or was it fashion designing? It might have been. But whatever meaningless job he was forced to eke out his pennies performing - gruelling in a terrible limbo as life continued without him in fast-motion, before the bus dumped him, cold and exhausted, upon his own doorstep to shiver his way into a criminally underfurnished swelling and collapse on a pauper’s bed - his dreams of wealth continued to haunt him.

It was then that Mr F made the discovery that would turn him from an ordinary man into one of the most feared and despised criminals of all time.

On coming into the world, Mr F had began with a meagre stipend of $20,000 - most of which went on his home and furnishings. However, he found that others could be brought into the world in similar fashion by his considerate God, and provided with only a telephone by which Mr F could call them - as a result of which they still possessed every penny of their $20,000. In these early days, marrying a girl, or a man, was simply a matter of finding them a comfortable chair, a TV and some food for a few hours before popping the question. Upon marraige, the two fortunes were joined, and Mr F was some $20,000 richer.

At this point you would think that Mr. F’s bold plan of marrying for money would backfire on him - that he would quickly spend the riches thus gained, and his wife would soon become as miserable as he, shuttled remorselessly to her own nebulous employment.

But no. Soon, Mr F married again, for another $20,000. And then again. And again. A constant stream of new people, created to be wife or husband to the beast, passed through his front door - but not out again.

What became of them, I wonder?

Why, they were entombed! Entombed within the walls!

Yes! Possessing no swimming pool, and not wishing to lose his furniture to a random blaze (the firework method was at this point unknown to Mr. F) he simply marched them into the green fields behind his property and boxed them in to slowly starve - even as he romanced their successors! And I say again to you that this was the easiest means of making money in the game!

What sort of hellish lesson did The Sims teach our children?
Can we possibly teach them otherwise - before the wallings-in start to happen across the country? Before the fires begin to blaze? David Boreanaz’s life is at stake! We must not waste another precious second!

I beg Maxis to release a game where the best way to success does not lie on a path made from the bones of the endless dead! I beg them! But do they listen?

Let this video tell the grim story.

Thank you Charcoal125 for cheapening life even more.

POSTED IN: General, Murder, PC, The Sims

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